I’m sure that most of us can agree that, in one way or another, we planned our dream wedding as a kid. We dreamed out our perfect suit or dress, the perfect first dance, and maybe the perfect cake (guys, I really love cake!) I bet that some of us even planned on who was going to be in our wedding party. Am I right? I know I did.
In last week’s blog we talked about a couple of different obstacles you will face during your planning time. Well, guess what? Choosing your wedding party is one of those obstacles! I figured that, since this is the case, I could give you a little insight as to how and why we chose our party, and what expectations we had for them. Okay, let’s get to it!
First off, let me tell you that my husband and I don’t have many friends. It’s okay though, we aren’t sad, because the friends we do have mean the world to us. When we started to plan our wedding, I told my husband that I wanted our guests, who were coming from all over the place, to get to know us based on the details we had around our venue and the amazing people who stood beside us. Lucky for me, he agreed! For these reasons, we chose to have a small wedding party (3 on each side) that consisted of the people that mean the most to us as individuals and as a couple. That’s how we ended up with this amazing group of humans!
Our group was full of people from different parts of our life. Some were cousins, childhood friends, and from our college days. With everything said and done, I wouldn’t have changed a thing. This was the best tribe I could have asked for as a bride!
So now that you have an idea of why we chose who we did, I can get on to the expectations we had for them. Honestly, the only expectation I had was that they show up on time the day of the wedding. Now before you stress out and leave because you think this was a mistake on my part, hear me out.
First, we were quite literally in different states. All of us lived all over the west coast, which in turn made it hard for me to have them help me plan. Don’t get me wrong, they asked numerous times if I needed anything because they wanted to help. I would turn down their offer though, because they simply have their own lives and deserve to live it. I didn’t want them to put their lives on hold because I was getting married. I thought that was unfair to them. Yes, my wedding was important, and so is yours. At the end of the day though, we didn’t ask our loved ones to stand beside us because we wanted to be waited on and have them plan things, like the bachelor parties and bridal showers, knowing that you have something you want done a certain way. We asked them to stand with us because our life wouldn’t be the same without them. With that being said, I did ask for help the week of the wedding, and thank goodness they were all so amazing because I really needed the help and support.
If you have higher expectations than I did, that’s fine. Just remember that you need to make those expectations clear when you ask them. If you want to have an out of state bachelor party and don’t think you should be responsible for planning it, you need to let your maid of honor know. She deserves that respect from you, right? Let everyone know your expectations. This will help you gain a party who is on board with your plans and knows that they can afford what you ultimately want from them.
The people you chose for your party will be your rock; they will be one of your best support systems because they love you and want the best for you on your wedding day. Remember, it is okay to delegate tasks, but don’t lose sight as to why you asked who you did to be in your wedding party. Give them space and understand that they are doing their best in their role. If you delegate tasks to them, always be aware that they are not professionals and they have their own lives. Your wedding will not be as important to them as it is to you; and that’s okay because you chose them for the love that you have for them, not the extra pair of hands during planning.
It obviously takes a lot to plan your wedding. There will for sure be hiccups and stress, but it all won’t matter because of the memories you make with your chosen tribe. Don;t forget to love and respect them because I can guarantee you that they are amazing people. Remember that you are an amazing, strong, individual who can do anything you put your mind to, because, at the end of the day, you are AUTHENTIC. ADVENTURE. LIVING.